


Better (Magic Shop)

by VVENVEN



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentioned Sawamura Daichi, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sugawara Koushi-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21573637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VVENVEN/pseuds/VVENVEN
Summary: 'On days where I hate myself for being me, on days where I want to disappear foreverLet's make a door. It's in your heartOpen the door and this place will awaitMagic Shop' - BTSalso known asSugawara think that he's not good enough for Oikawa due to past issues.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 83





	Better (Magic Shop)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post onto AO3, been writing for years but never had the chance to post it.  
> -  
> Reference song: Magic Shop by BTS  
> Warning: Self harm, Detailed Anxiety Description  
> Please don't read further if you're not good with detailed description please!

Oikawa was grumbling from behind Sugawara and another brown haired girl. Why is she the only one that doesn't notice him?! He was unironically the best looking volleyball setter within the pretty setter squad, or so he says himself.

The girl, known as Rumi, was the ace of Hanasaki Girls High. But she was as well, one of the shortest player. Apparently her flexibility and jump height is enough to battle with Hinata and Tsukishima.

"Oikawa, you there?"

Sugawara waved his hands in front of Oikawa's face as he stumbled into the ground, accidentally tripping on a pebble. Rumi looked away, trying to keep in her laughs but failed. The gray haired on another hand, helped him to stand up again and took out the volleyball he had on him.

"Rumi said she wants to train her spikes, want to come?"

Sugawara threw the ball up high and Rumi, as if on autopilot, jumped and about to slam the ball. But she was caught by Oikawa and put onto the ground again.

"Easy there little one, but sorry Suga-chan~ I have tons of homework I gotta write. Can't give up my grades now if volleyball didn't turn out great for me, can I?"

Sugawara laughed at Oikawa's reply and nodded in understatement, the three of them then waved goodbye to each other, with one of them feeling extremely upset.

" Why did you tell him that we have a practice, I didn't even ask for one?"

"... It's nothing, Haru-chan."

(He'd never reveal his crush on Oikawa to anyone, he thought to himself.)

\--

It wasn't usual when he woke up in cold swear during the middle of the night, but it was extremely usual when he dreamt about his past abuse and started to scratch his arms again.

People were teasing him for being too nice, and always giving his best even though people didn't ask for it. But in all seriousness, Sugawara didn't understand why some people would hate that.

Maybe it's because it seemed like he was trying too hard. Maybe because it seemed like he was trying to impress. Maybe because it seemed like he was trying to fit in.

Maybe because it was all three of them.

He'd choose the last one.

His arms started to bleed, and Suga winced in pain, realizing what he had done, he quickly ran to the bathroom and rinse his arms. Past wounds gave reopened, even though he had been lectured dozens of times by Daichi to never do that again. He just can't help it.

It was then when he sat back onto his bed with new bandaids he realized something. It's getting worse, and he has no idea why. Back against the soft sheets, he tried to get some sleep that night.

Suga was trying very hard to fight the nightmares that were consistent enough to wake him up.

He knew it was getting bad.

(And it was worse when there were days that his crush snuck into his nightmares as well.)

\--

"Woah... Those are huge eyebags and dark circles. You alright?"

The next time he met Oikawa was when he requested to sleep over at his house, in which the brunet agreed. Sugawara nodded his head and slumped onto Oikawa’s bed. The brunet then smacked the gray headed teen lightly on his head and said,

"Get your ass up, that's my bed."

Sugawara whined. That was, shocking to not only Oikawa's ears, but also to the owner of the voice himself. He then looked up at Oikawa with a strained look.

"Is it alright if I sleep here for a few hours..? I haven't gotten a nice sleep in a while, plus your bed is comfortable."

He smiled while asking the question, for some reason it made Oikawa's heart shiver. But he agreed with it nonetheless, that man looked like he needs sleep.

The prettier setter (as so Oikawa called himself all the single time) goes on to do his homework in his study room and left his friend on his own accord.

Man was it the best sleep he'd ever gotten in a week.

(Especially in his crushes' bed, lord knows how thankful he is for that.)

\--

His first attack in a while was as bad as it could be.

Oikawa suggested that he should bring Suga out shopping while they were here. The gray haired was feeling pretty well lately in Oikawa's room and agreed to it.

As soon as the both of them stepped in the mall together, Suga felt the tension growing inside of him. He tried to shake it off like it was nothing, and smiled while Oikawa held his hand, introducing him the shops that the brunet liked to go when he was bored.

After half an hour of walking, Suga started to space out. He stopped hearing what's coming out from Oikawa's mouth, and every sound around him turned static. He couldn't hear anything.

The next thing he knew, he was getting restless. He wanted to run away, from this mall, from Miyagi, from Japan, from everyone, from Oikawa. His rhythm was getting out of hand, making his breaths go quicker and quicker.

Oikawa, holding Suga's hand, felt that it was starting to tremble. He looked back at the setter to see a terrifying sight. It wasn't visible from an outsider's perspective, nor if you weren't as attentive as Oikawa.

These are what he noticed from Suga's facial expressions, his eyes were darting around aimlessly, his smile was wavering, there were droplets of cold sweat forming at the base of his forehead. Oikawa knew that this was a sign for them to stop, even though they just started.

So they left the mall without buying anything, and on the cab ride home, het was holding onto Suga tightly, whispering sweet nothings like a mantra.

But just to be clear, they weren't dating.

(But that made Sugawara even more confused about how Oikawa think about him, not knowing that Oikawa felt the same.)

\--

The next day when Oikawa woke up, he heard whimpering from the gray haired. The first thing he instinctively did was to hug him, and it seemed to work.

"There there, Suga-chan. I'm right here..."

Sugawara seemed to realize that this time wasn't the same as before, where he had to deal with the nightmares himself. This time, he had Oikawa.

But well, it didn't do any better for him.

He quickly jumped off the bed and backed off from Oikawa. The brunet was shocked at the other's reaction, and finally woke up fully at the midst of 4:30 in the morning. Luckily they were on holiday break, or else he'd complain.

Sugawara then dashed into Oikawa's bathroom and locked it, or actually he didn't. He forgot that Oikawa had a key to open the door. But of course, he didn't do that.

Instead, he stood outside of the bathroom and listened to what's going on inside. He wasn't ready for the wave of self depreciating words that came out of the other's mouth.  
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should've died in the car crash, should've just jumped off the school window when I had the chance to..."

Scratching noises.

"Maybe I should die here and now, no, Oikawa would be suspected as a murderer... I don't want to pull him down with me..."

Whimpering sounds.

"I don't know anymore... I don't deserve anything..."

More scratching noises.

Oikawa then opened the door without any warning. The guy sitting inside visibly flinched and fell onto the floor even though he was already sitting down.

What presented to him was shocking to his eyes.

The floor was filled with blood, old wounds on Sugawara has opened up again, his messy hair that was dyed slightly red with his own blood, and a face that cried out for help.

His eyes widened and quickly picked Sugawara up to his bed. The other had clutched onto him tightly, hitting him as well as crying hysterically into his chest.

His shirt was dyed with blood as well, but he didn't mind. His friend was suffering right in front of him. Oikawa then kneeled to Suga's eye level, promising him that he'll be back after taking the first aid kit.

(He felt miserable that his crush had to see him like that.)

\--

Not long after he came back with the first aid, he was presented with a teen that was curled up into a ball. Oikawa then understood that the fetal position is what people usually does when they felt unsafe. He carefully set the kit down and sunk next to Sugawara. His hand brushed against the crying teen's hair, revealing the messed up face that he had done to himself.

Oikawa didn't question much, he only took the first aid to bandaid Sugawara's wounds up and also the scratches that he did to his own face. He was thinking to himself, what a waste of a pretty face.

Sugawara, as if on cue, immediately started to cry once the other had finished bandaging him up. Oikawa put away the kit on the nearby desk and laid down next to Sugawara.

"Why... Why are you helping me?"

The gray haired asked, not looking at the other as he continued to sob.

"Why, you ask. Maybe it's because I care about you, Suga-chan."

He replied, hands ruffling the other's hair as well as petting his head. It was actually really heartbreaking for him to see that his friend had suffered this much in secret.  
"But... People that said they care about me always lied about it, what made you so special...?"

"That was a tough question, Suga."

He replied in a soft tone, repeatly ruffling the other's hair, making sure that he felt safe enough to calm down a little more. In which he did.

Oikawa then made Sugawara look at him with a slight life of his chin, he took a closer look at the details of Sugawara's current expression.

All he could say was that he looked tired. Tired of everything in his life. Oikawa's heart clenched as he realized that. He then promised to himself one thing, one thing that he would also tell Suga.

"Why not I show you by action, rather by my words, Kouchi?"

Brown eyes widened by the sound of his first name in his crushes' voice. He felt that his tiredness and restlessness had dropped down to zero, so are they on first name basis now? He wasn't sure as well.

But this time, he knew this was a risk he could take.

"If you say so... Tooru."

(He would've never guessed the day where he would get together with his crush, it would be his first and last love as well.)

\--

OMAKE

Weeks, months, years passed since then..

Tooru's parents had willingly helped the both of them in providing them money for Kouchi's treatment.

Tooru focused on both his career and his boyfriend, soon to be fiance's mental health as well.

Kouchi focused on improving his mental health, as well as trying to be the best boyfriend as he could. ("But you're already the best," said Tooru as he was eating the ice cream that Kouchi had made for him.)

Both sides were trying their best, their friends were cheering for them as well. Sometimes, Rumi would come over with Kuroo. Apparently they're dating ever since Kuroo confessed to her for the 99th time, saying that Rumi is the only one that can tame the wild cat.

Oikawa Tooru's life was better.  
Sugawara Kouchi's life was better.  
Their life was better. 

(Oikawa was always interested in Sugawara, but he was so flirty that Sugawara wasn't sure about his actions anymore.

Until when they got married.)


End file.
